Today is a rough one for me. I am really feeling the strain of losing my mother. It feels as though the whole world is against me today or at least pulling at me in one way or another. This is one of my bad days. I want to curl up in a ball in a corner and just be left alone. I don't know how to feel, what to say or how deal with normal daily life today. I have lost my appetite for the day, but knowingly I'm making myself eat because I know I have too. Today is the hardest day yet I have had through this experience. If I could give anything today I would give everything to just be able to sit down and talk to my MOM. People will tell you that they can help or that it's just one day, but today leads to tomorrow and if you don't get what your thinking and feeling under control it will just continue. They say that when you miss someone to think of all the good things. Good memories and things like that, but some days it just makes things worse. My mother was my go to person, my best friend and the woman I looked up to, knowing I don't have that anymore just feels like the bricks falling on my heart. Today feels like the perfect day to throw all cares away and just get drunk. I know this is not the answer or any way of going about fixing and problems so for that reason I will not do this, but that's how I can sum up my feelings for today. The odd part is my day started out OK, I mean I felt off, but was still pretty happy. I did some work on starting my business, but as the night goes on, the thoughts and feeling flood through my mind and heart. The only thing I can keep telling myself is that at 30 years old it shouldn't have this effect on me. I don't have time for this in my life, well like I've said before mourning comes in waves and this is a big one.. Tomorrow I will probably wake up peachy keen and in a great mood. It's just a rough one...
My mother was beautiful, selfless, tough and humble. She always looked mad, but you could never tell by her voice if she was. My mother never really showed or voiced any emotions. She never told you if you were a bad person, she always tried to see the good in people. I remember growing up my mother found out I smoked, she never said anything to me about it. One day when I went back into the house because I forgot my cigarettes she just had this sarcastic way of letting me know I was doing something she didn't really approve up, but couldn't really tell me I couldn't because she did. My mother didn't look down on us kids for our choices in life, she believed in us learning from our own mistakes. My biggest fear in life use to be ending up like her, but the older I get I wish I was more like her than I am. She was an awesome mother, grandmother, aunt and sister and I wouldn't have chosen anyone else to be like.
My mother was beautiful, selfless, tough and humble. She always looked mad, but you could never tell by her voice if she was. My mother never really showed or voiced any emotions. She never told you if you were a bad person, she always tried to see the good in people. I remember growing up my mother found out I smoked, she never said anything to me about it. One day when I went back into the house because I forgot my cigarettes she just had this sarcastic way of letting me know I was doing something she didn't really approve up, but couldn't really tell me I couldn't because she did. My mother didn't look down on us kids for our choices in life, she believed in us learning from our own mistakes. My biggest fear in life use to be ending up like her, but the older I get I wish I was more like her than I am. She was an awesome mother, grandmother, aunt and sister and I wouldn't have chosen anyone else to be like.
