What is loss? Where can you get answers and help..

By definition

Loss is "the fact or process of losing something or someone. Also known as "the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something with value."

To me that is just about the perfect way to explain it. As I sit here and try to think of a better way to explain it i can't. When I sit and think about loss I think about the empty void that is not only in my heart but in my soul. Void can stand for completely empty when used as an adjective, which I thing is the best way to use it in this situation. I believe the void is what makes us feel emptiness and blank. I know I feel both of these things and as time goes on they don't just get better. It's a very slow healing process and for me it just seems to be getting worse. I know you can't always control how you feel, but I believe in order to make it better faster I need to find something to fill that void and I'm not quite really sure what that is.  As I mentioned before that I started seeing a psychiatrist and it has helped.  In only two sessions it has already helped me stop taking my anger out on my daughter. I know it's not her fault that she has ADHD or that I'mm trying to cope with something she doesn't understand. 
Talking to a 4 year old will let you know what it's like to not have a care in the world, but also will show how it's nice to still be young enough to not be bothered by things that are sometimes life halting to use. I love her to death, but she has no problem telling complete strangers that her grandma died, I know she doesn't understand that it upsets me, because it brings back a little more pain every time. She though is not old enough to understand, because she will then turn around and ask me why she died or how come she hasn't come back as a zombie yet. lol That always makes me giggle. He brother that is 8, never brings it up, kind of like it didn't happen. Almost as though  he didn't know my mother and in which case he really didn't, but if his sister mentions it to him you can see him tear up. Even though he didn't know her well it still upsets him. He is my sensitive guy like his Momma and very easy to set off like both his parents. My oldest which is 12, well I'm not sure how he handles it. He never says a word about it, just always memories from her house when he was little, but nothing about her being gone. He is Autistic and I love him for it more and more all the time. He is my eye opener to new things though.

Enough about me, I wanted to give you a few sites that may be able to help you out during this time . These are just some I have found that might be useful  to you.

 If your looking for someone to talk to you can check out https://www.mastersincounseling.org/loss-grief-bereavement.html

If you would like some more information or to learn of some of the myths and facts about grieving this is a good site. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

If you'd like to create a tribute for someone you can go here.. 
http://www.muchloved.com/gateway/death-of-a-loved-one.htm

ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!!!

Major decisions after a loss!!!

When you experience a major loss in life it can flip your entire world upside down. It can make you question a lot in your life. For instance who you are, where your at in life, what could have been different and the hardest thing I believe is will that happen to me. Everyone is well aware that at some point in life everyone leaves. As we all know that every life must come to an end. We as humans start fading away the day we are born, it's just part of nature. When the time comes that someone you love leaves you for eternity there are things everyone should remember and to me the biggest thing is not to make and major or hasty decisions in life.

They say you should wait at least 6 months to make any major choices after losing a loved one. The rule of thumb is to wait until you have went through the roller-coaster of emotions that is entailed with this loss. The main thing you want to worry about is yourself. If you are not well then you can not make any informed decisions. If there is something you want to do after your loss, like perhaps wanting to move for some reason, it is wise to make the choice so that it is reversible. Like going to stay some where else for a while, but if you change your mind you would still have the option to return to your original setting. I can definitely see why this is important to remember. You may not know that I currently live in Michigan, but since my mothers passing I have been in Missouri. I love it here and feel closer to my mother, it's like I know she is still in this house. I have thought about moving here, because when I went home for a few days I felt lost, but I know for my own personal reasons I can not stay here.

I know I started trying to make all these hasty decisions and once I started trying to work on them, I get over stressed and it's just not worth it. I wanted to start my business up that I had been working on for years, I even went as far as making up the business plan to present to the loaner and everything. I made a logo. That didn't last very long so that got thrown out the window. I then tried getting back into school so that way I could finish my Bachelors in Business Management to continue to run my father's business, but that too fell through: 1) my dad gave up on the business, something he worked hard at and wanted for a lot of years and 2) I owed money for past classes,because well neither the school or I are perfect. I did make the decision to get married and that is the one major decision I made right after my mother left us that has stuck. It's isn't going perfectly as planned,but that's just how it goes.  Yes I wish she was here too celebrate it with me, but then again if it wasn't for her passing I may have never made it to this point.

I suggest you write everything you want to do or plan to do down after the  loss of a loved one. The smaller ones you can start with but I say wait 3 months, go back to the list and see how you still feel about it. If then you still feel comfortable starting one of the middle tasks go head, but make sure you didn't give up on the little project first. If you did, you most likely are not ready for anything bigger. The next mark would be the 6 month part. If you can wait the full six months to come back to the list awesome, but if not, now is the time to see how and where you are on the other projects you started and go from there. If you get to the 6 month mark and you are doing good with stress and taking care of yourself and you come back to this list, pick anything off the list you want to do and go for it. The majority of people are not done grieving in the 6 months time so it may take you longer to start things and that's OK. Just please take the advise and not jump into anything you may regret in a short period of time. 

Doing what I always said I would!!!

I know it's been a while since I have posted on here and I know I'm not helping other, by not doing so. I have finally started doing the things I told my mother I would. The things my mother and I always talked about was health and life. Neither of us had or has a very exciting life, I can say that mine is now getting better, unfortunately it had to be after my mother was gone, but than again I'll take it any way I can get it. There are three things imp-articular that goes along with our talks.

The major thing we always talked about was my physical health. My health scared my mother because it was mimicking her health. Our problems both started around the same age. The only problem was she knew about the health issues I already had, and knew I didn't need any more. It's been now 6 months since my Mother passed and I finally found a doctor to see and am trying to work on getting all my health issues taken care of for at least now. I do need medications and not having them isn't helping the grieving process. Yes I a still grieving and no one can tell me any different. So far I have seen the doctor once, told her exactly what I want done and now it's wait a month till we get your records back. Which means nothing to  me for the fact that I know my mom is happy  just knowing that I am doing something about it.

I started seeing a Therapist lately. I have only actually seen him twice, but so far it is working. This is one thing I HIGHLY RECOMMEND for anyone grieving a loved one. I always had the notion that they were just gonna sit and judge me and this and that. I PROMISE you it's nothing like that and I'm loving the results I am getting from seeing my therapist..I have already stopped  crying as much at odd times. When I want to cry I just try to think of something happy like a good memory and it is getting better, I will not say easier, just better. I have noticed being less stressed out and have not been yelling at my daughter as much. Therapy id the one key I think to getting my mind right and I know many have different opinions about things and I would like to hear them if you read this.

The last thing I finally did was go back to school. I was in college and I gave it up, because it got to be what I considered to hard. Honestly I just get bored easily, so I stopped. Well I changed schools because that had part to do with it and I also changed majors. I now attend Phoenix Online and am working on my Bachelors in Human Services with a Certification in Addiction. I figured why not right. If you read a couple of my other blogs, which I need to work on some time, you will see that addiction has been around me for a long time and I think it just took that one little push over the edge (losing mom) to notice that it's something I have a lot of experience with and have always had in my life at one point or another. This will be an awesome thing I do believe.

Even though you may not have done things while someone was with you in life, doesn't mean you can't do them after they are gone. I have to pretty much learn to not rely on my mother any more even though I did so for 31 years. She was always my shining light and had all the answers or so it seemed. I know that even though she is not here with me, she knows I am finally done procrastinating and getting on with my life, because I have seen reality before me and I do think my mother for that. I even go out of my comfort zone with cooking now, that way I can try new things and take my mind off of other things. I'm trying to see the loss as a reason to try and fill  the void with new things and you never know what you might fall in love with doing or just something to revert to when you need a stress release. My best recommendation for stress relief is therapy or a massage..