I haven't posted in this Blog since I started it, and I'm not sure why.. I know why, I found something to occupy my time and make me not think about what had just happened in my life. It still isn't necessarily a realization that my mother is even gone. Ever day since I have woke up in her home and it's as if she is still here. I know she will not get out of bed for the day, but that is OK with me. The realization doesn't actually set in until I need someone to talk to about things in life. My mother bless her heart was my best friend and most of the time what felt like my only friend. When life gave me problems I went to my mother. If you think about it we are generally and I know not in all cases, we are raised to depend on our mothers. If you can't find something you ask mom, if you need and opinion you ask mom, if you know you did something you shouldn't you hope your mom will save you. When you are sick you want your mom, when you are scared you look to your mom to save you. It's all about our programming as children, and woman are suppose to be the nurturer in life.
I will write a lot about my mother because she is the person closest to me that I lost next to my Aunt Pam, those women where the two women that I looked up to in life. Everything in this blog can go for anyone that you have lost in your life. As I sit here and look at my daughter I just hope that when it becomes my time that I have prepared her enough in life to deal with it and manage with out me in life. I know that she independent enough and will live on with out me, but I hope that it isn't as tough on her as it was me. I know this will not happen and in a way I will be glad for that, but again it too breaks my heart a little.
I will end this on a positive note though. No matter what happens in life whether now or 20 years from now, I can truly say that my mother will still be there to guide me and show me the way. Even though she isn't here in person I know she is with me where ever I go and is always looking over our family and without saying a word giving us the answers we need.
I will write a lot about my mother because she is the person closest to me that I lost next to my Aunt Pam, those women where the two women that I looked up to in life. Everything in this blog can go for anyone that you have lost in your life. As I sit here and look at my daughter I just hope that when it becomes my time that I have prepared her enough in life to deal with it and manage with out me in life. I know that she independent enough and will live on with out me, but I hope that it isn't as tough on her as it was me. I know this will not happen and in a way I will be glad for that, but again it too breaks my heart a little.
I will end this on a positive note though. No matter what happens in life whether now or 20 years from now, I can truly say that my mother will still be there to guide me and show me the way. Even though she isn't here in person I know she is with me where ever I go and is always looking over our family and without saying a word giving us the answers we need.
No comments:
Post a Comment